Last night was the Willie Nelson Outlaw Festival. So many emotions are running through me right now. It’s been one of those weekends that I’m just feeling through.
To start things off, Particle Kid started the night. It wasn’t what I expected and having never heard them before, I was extra surprised to find out that Micah Nelson is the front man of this band. To say the least, it was a bit strange, but as the night progressed, I gained much more respect for them. It was a bit of bluegrass, country, and almost a bit of psychedelic rock, rolled into one band. Watching them jam out and really get into their music was pretty intense.
Next up was, Don Was and the Pan-Detroit Ensemble. Again, I had no idea what to expect from this band, but I enjoyed the female led, jazzy feel. The trumpet and sax shined. Outside of the old days of ska bands, brass sections don’t tend to impress me, but this band went above and beyond. If you haven’t had the chance to see them, I highly recommended it.
Sierra Hull impressed me right out of the gate. I’m sorry, I’m a guy, so anytime you put a woman with a voice on stage, I’m paying attention and interested in what’s going on. Her mandolin skills immediately demanded my respect. Mix that with their bluegrass sound, I was hooked from the start. What a great act to include on this tour!
Stephen Wilson Jr. didn’t impress me the last time I saw him. Tonight was much different though. For one thing, his set changed from the last time I saw him. For another, there was just something about his energy tonight that didn’t even compare to when I saw him just a few months ago. He had energy and was engaged with the crowd. The last time, you could tell he and the rest of the band were just exhausted from being on the road for so long. This time, he seemed rested and fit perfectly into the whole show.
Lukas Nelson went on after SWJ and this was my first time seeing him, aside from a brief appearance the last time I saw Willie. His vocals scream loudly and proudly that he’s Willie’s son. I didn’t realize how amazing it was he got to be a part of the show until Willie went on. I saw him eight years ago, the last time I saw Willie. He only accompanied Willie on a couple songs, but it was clear just how much talent he had. Between Micah and Lukas, Lukas definitely sounds the most like Willie. Everything about him screams that he’s Willie’s kid. I honestly dont know why I don’t listen to him more.
Rounding everything out was The Avett Brothers. To be honest, I’m not a huge fan, but I do enjoy quite a bit of their music. Their mix of country, bluegrass, and rock’n’roll was a welcome treat. Their live songs were definitely different than the album versions, but I think I liked them better. There seemed to be a lot more energy and emotion in them than I’ve heard before. It was honestly the perfect pairing to open up for Willie. I mean, in all reality, they were co-headliners, but still not the main act, so I can’t help but call them an opener.
The night finished off with Willie Nelson and Family. The crew set the stage, then a curtain went up to hide Willie, Lukas, and Micah setting up in position to begin the final act of the night. Like I said in my last post, Willie turned 93 this year. His set was only about an hour with both Lukas and Micah playing some of their own music, with Willie joining in on vocals. The whole set felt odd, yet amazing. You can definitely tell Willie is feeling his age, but he was still smiling and seemed extremely proud to be playing with both his boys. But like I said, it felt odd.
Towards the end of his set, you could see it in Willie’s eyes. He knows his time is coming to an end. It started making sense after that realization. He’s done. This was probably his last tour. His final song was like he was saying farewell. The second to last song was his “goodbye song”. He mentioned how he lived through Eisenhower and hinted at the things he’s lived through.
To be honest, it was a reality check. As I stated in my last post, I knew it was coming, but I don’t think I was ready to accept it. His final song, a gospel classic. His family joined him on the stage, his granddaughter standing next to him. It hit me at that point…. This is the last time I will likely ever get the chance to see him perform.
He finished his set, taking his time to walk off the stage and turning to wave to everyone a couple different times, as if saying, “I don’t want to go, but I have to. His family remained a bit, soaking it all in. As the crowd began to clear and head to their cars, the loud speakers began playing, “roll me up and smoke me when I die.” Again, another sign we’ve reached the end of an era.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so ecstatic about getting to see him again, but at the same time, I feel a wave of depression crashing over me. It was his farewell. I can’t say for certain that’s what’s really going on, but I can say with certainty that it sure felt like he was saying goodbye. At 93, I guess I can’t blame him. The thing I’m struggling with is accepting it.
My dad was a fan of Willie’s. My dad died almost 20 years ago. The girl I went with, her father died about the same time as mine. It was just surreal. It was sad, and it was as if I was losing more of my dad.
As I sat there listening to Willie and his boys, I couldn’t help but think about two things.
- How amazing it would have been if I would have gotten the chance to see Willie with my dad, and
- How much I really wish the woman I was with, something more would develop with her.
I caught myself talking to my dad and asking him to help. I’ve had a thing for this woman for such a long time. We have so much in common, but the timing is the issue. On top of that, I don’t know if she feels the same. I know she questioned it at one time, but she, like me, never acted on it. It doesn’t help that she’s married and it feels wrong to hope someone’s marriage will turn to shit just so you can have a chance to see if there’s more there.
I still can’t help but think it would be amazing. Its dumb, yet every time I hang out with her, it’s like a slap in the face. We’ve always gotten along ao well and the more I hang out with her now, the more I realize how much we have in common. It just feels like it should be.
To be completely honest, I couldn’t think of anyone else I would have wanted to see Willie with, nor can I think of anyone else I’d rather, or even want to share that memory with.
At the end of the day, it is what it is. I can’t wish for someone’s marriage to fall apart. I can’t hold on to a hope of someone that isn’t available in the moment. I can’t keep wishing for something more, while holding myself in a stagnant place.
So much of me yearns to be with her, while the analytical part of me screams, “let go.” All I can do is focus on what’s right in front of me, knowing if it’s meant to be, it will be. I hate every part of it, but in a way, I’m grateful.
Above all else, I’m really glad that she’s in my life and at least I have that. She’s such an amazing woman. She’s smart and beautiful, inside and out. She is the whole package. But again, I can’t allow myself to sit here waiting for something that might never happen. All I can do is enjoy what I have and allow myself to move forward with my life. Like I said, if it’s meant to be, it will be. If not, then I know I have one of the greatest friends I could ever hope for. That has to be enough.